Log in

09 December 2006 @ 08:13 pm
Gakuen Heaven - Complete Series  
As per my wife-eh's subtle request, I am presenting my analysis in the form of a Gakuen Heaven crack!fic. It's surprisingly appropriate. I hold this show as proof that BOYS ARE DUMB! As a preface, let me say that this is the first remotely shounen-ai thing that I have ever watched, and that really, I'm not a particular fan of the genre in general. Or slash in general, or pretty much anything that completely denies that such a thing as heterosexuality exists. Because, y'know, straight people exist. It makes some of us sad, but if we can deal, so can you.

So now, the crack.

Ito Keita: I don't know if I really belong at BL Academy! I don't know what to do!

Endo Kazuki: It's okay, Keita. Come here and I'll hold you, while denying my feelings for you and having flashbacks to our shared youth, which you have forgotten and I won't remind you of. I also won't tell you that I'm the Academy's chairman. Here, have a teddy bear.

Naruse Yukihiko: I, voiced by the great Shinichiro Miki, shall wander around in my tennis short shorts and call Keita "honey" and pout whenever he pays more attention to Kazuki!

Kakeru and/or Wataru: Oh noes!!21121otoa4! People are paying attention to Keita! That's so totally not fair!!! ANGST!!! But we don't really like him, oh no, never. Also, one of us is not named Wataru, which is not the name of a protaganist of a horrible movie, and the author didn't have flashbacks at all, and NO ONE IS IN DENIAL HERE!

Shunsuke: I have fangs for no reason at all.

Shinomiya: I like kyuudo and Iwai-kun and being responsible. And apparently cooking. Booyah.

Iwai: I am a brilliant artist, and only Keita can make me realize that. Not of course, Shinomiya who I'm soobviouslyfucking, but Keita. I'm really only with Shinomiya because his brawn is a good counter for my extremely delicate frame.

Niwa: I'm the king! I'm the student council president! I'm a ninja! I PWN YOU ALL!

Nakajima: I'm Niwa's pet hacker, who appears to be more than slightly malevolent at times. Only I'm not. Oh, and don't be fooled by my butch seme act with Keita, I really just have his best interests at heart. OH MY GOD! I JUST LOOKED IN THE MIRROR AND REALIZED I'M THIRTY! But despite my old age, Niwa still lets me play ninja with him.

Saionji Kaoru: I'm pretty like a girl.

Shichijou Omi: I like Kaoru because he speaks English to me, and I'm secretly an American. ^_^ I don't like Nakajima, because he keeps trying to hack my computers. T_T

Umino-sensei: I'm a teacher! No, really! I am!. And someone keeps hacking into my computer. And oh, look, I have a cat named Toono-sama. I'm apparetly not that good at research, because I think my cat is a boy despite the fact that she's obviously a calico.

Matsuoka Jin: I'm the nurse that Kazuki confides in. I'm not evil, just misunderstood. With very girly hair.

Female Character: Oh wait, I must be a Mary-Sue, because there is not a single female character in this entire show!

ENTIRE CAST: Now that we've all assembled, let's go defeat the evil plot to get Keita kicked out of school!
Laurie: wai wailunabunny on December 11th, 2006 03:16 am (UTC)
Dear god, I hope that you saved me the episodes! There is no way I can live in peace without proving the accuracy of these depictions! I MUST!
The Ducklingorchidee on December 11th, 2006 03:22 am (UTC)
I never actually had them. Scary Naomi had them. Um. But they are quite apt. I can see if I can swipe them from her for a bit and burn them for you.

Also, don't get sucked into watching that show, because it takes thirteen episodes to establish everything you learned from reading the above. I swear, slower than SDK.
Laurie: nodlunabunny on December 11th, 2006 03:31 am (UTC)
I shan't watch it all, but I shall give it a better showing than my first attempt - which encompassed only the first episode, I believe, as I could not get over the hilarity of the parody sub of the opening song versus the actual lyrics. Ahem.

SDK had such potential to be a fast moving, hopping and jumping show. It didn't want to admit it, but it had that potential.
The Ducklingorchidee on December 11th, 2006 03:37 am (UTC)
::le sad::

Since I cannot stop you from watching it, I will send good stuff your way and request that you watch that as well.

{Parody sub probably > truth)
Dodob1rdjj_kim86 on December 11th, 2010 05:07 pm (UTC)
everything you said is completely true, but i watch it for the nice anime drawing and the sexy voices anyway... ;)